March 13, 2022

 Hello Internet,

I always didn't think I was going to be able to write this today.  It has been a difficult week.  Honestly, it has been a difficult last few weeks.  Recently, they announced that a stone sealing an ancient demon had cracked in Japan, and while I don't necessarily believe in demons (at least, not those kinds), I do think that it just sort of fits with the world right now.  Things have been getting and staying worse since 2020, and it's obvious why.  We're doing nothing to solve the systemic issues that caused the problems to begin with.  Despite knowing that, it still feels all kinds of heavy.  I wonder sometimes if it was easier for my parents, raising children in the 80s and 90s, when the world was spinning along just fine, and when the pain of the world were foreign and invisible to them.

The last few weeks have been hard.  So have the last few months, and so have the last few years.  This weekend was particularly taxing for me.  Noodle's pregnancy is in full force, and her doctor has not renewed her anxiety medication.  She has been an emotional whirlwind, and I think the Small Ladies can feel it.  I've picked up what I can around the house, but organizing my own time is difficult enough without picking up the extra chores to keep the house running.  Then, we had yet another snow day, and my temporal anxiety took over.  I ended up sobbing on the kitchen floor until Noodle found me and picked me up.  She comforted me, and I made a short list to help organize all of the work that was overwhelming me.

It is times like these that I remember the importance of fiction.  When I was younger, I hated the notion of escapism.  For me, fiction was not a way to escape the world but a way to explore it safely.  And I still think that is true, but as I have grown older and (I like to think) wiser, I have come to realize that escape isn't necessarily hiding from the world.  Sometimes, however, it is pressing the pause button.  

As an adult, you come to realize that a lot of the notions you have about adulthood as a child are not true.  You grow up, and you realize that the only thing that has changed for you is that you're older now and people expect a whole lot more out of you.  They are no longer willing to make excuses for you, assuming they made excuses for you in the first place.  You are responsible for you now in a way that you were not when you were younger (assumedly). 

Life is not out to get you.  Worse than that, it is indifferent toward you.  There are not active machination to hurt you, but a world indifferent to you hurt.  A world which will not give you enough time to breathe so that it can twist the knife but instead will keep on barraging you, uncaring of the breathing you are or are not doing.  Fiction, which can be a safe space to explore complex, compelling, and sometimes dangerous ideas, can also be a safe space for you to explore nothing.  It can be a safe space for you to exist, to explore, or to simply sit.  

All of this to say, I've been playing a lot of Stardew Valley today.  It is fun, and you should check it out.

Sincerely,

RWS

P.S.

-Short Rest-

Books

0. Main: Pyramids by Terry Pratchett

1. Sun: (Manga) One Piece Vol. 75, Ch. 751: “Sabo vs. Admiral Fujitora”—752 80%  (9—10)

Ruroni Kenshin Vol. 5, Act 39—39 100% (9—9)

Zombie Power 100%

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 2: Battle Tendency Vol. 4, Ch. 57: “The Wind, the Chariot and Wamuu part 7”—69 35% (8—20)

My Hero Academia Vol. 8, No. 63: “Yaoyorzu Rising”—71 0% (1—9)

Boruto Vol. 3, Ch. 8: “You’ll Need To Do It”—11 0% (1—4)

One-Punch Man Vol. 9, Punch 40: “The Man Who Wanted to be a Villain”—46.1 0% (1—11)

My Hero Academia: Vigilantes Vol. 4, Ch. 19: “Family”—26 0% (1—8)

2. Mon: (Fiction) Pyramids by Terry Pratchett 54% (194—358)

3. Tue: (YA) The Giver by Lois Lowry 0% (0—0)

4. Wed: (Non-Fiction) Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat (1—??)

5. Thu: (Reread) American Gods by Neil Gaiman

6. Fri: (DnD5e) Player’s Handbook by Wizards of the Coast (0–X)

7. Sat: (Fan Fiction) Final Fantasy: Fated bytinygaia Ch. 58% (30—50)

8. Squirrel: One Piece Vol. 17 Ch. 148—155

-View from the Cheap Seats by Neil Gaiman 26% (130—502)

Games

0. Main: Chrono Trigger DS Reunion Ending

1. Sun1: (Free Play) Final Fantasy VIII 44% (24/55hrs)

Sun2: (JRPG) Final Fantasy Type-0 0% (0/36hrs)

2. Mon: (Backlog) Breath of Fire 0% (0/30hrs)

3. Tue: DnD5e/YT

4. Wed: (Multiples) Chrono Trigger DS Reunion Ending 19% (5/27hrs)

Dragon Age: Origins Kallian Tabris 14% (10/74hrs)

5. Thu: DnD5e Prep & Critical Role

6. Fri: (Series) .hack//MUTATION 22% (23/50hrs(5/23hrs))

7. Sat: (Replay) Xenogears 6% (4/66hrs)

8. Noodle: Final Fantasy IX 32% (17/54hrs)

Shows

0. Main: Voltron: Legendary Defender

1. Critical Role: “The Final Chapter” 35% (131—141)

2. Funimation: Dragon Ball The General Blue Saga 42% 51—57 (6—12)

3. Owned: Firefly 14% (3—14)

4. Netflix: Voltron: Legendary Defender Season 6 43% (4—7)

5. Online: Batman 36% (12—31)

6. Disney+: Marvel’s Agent Carter Season 1 0% (1—8)

7. Critical Role 7—17

Hawkeye 50% (4—6)

Movies: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

King’s Glaive: Final Fantasy XV

Godzilla: Edge of the Battlefield

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind