2023 Week XIV: "Cycle"

 Hello Internet,

Folks who have ADHD sometimes experience what is called ADHD burnout.  Now, from my understanding, typical burnout is a result of some untenable component of a current life style.  Certain things in your life, often due to elements outside of your control, take more from you than you have to give, and so you end up burnt out.  This is why burnout in the modern U.S. is so pervasive.  Employers demand more nad more from employees without giving them enough time or resources to meet the new demands.  The same can be said of our economic system.  Nothing is built for sustainability, so instead we're used up quickly and then replaced when we're fried.

I mention this because in neurotypical individuals, burnout is not something that they themselves can fix.  It is often an element that is outside of one's control, and so the only thing you can do is let go of that thing and reposition yourself elsewhere.  I would argue that this is a part of the reason as to why we're seeing fewer people in 'unskilled' labor positions.  The increased work load is not being met by increased payout, training, or care, and so fewer people are willing to subject themselves to the degrading work.

With ADHD burnout, it is similar but often exists in a cycle.  ADHD is often erroniously thought of as an attention-deficit (likely due to the misleading name).  In reality, ADHD can be better thought of as either an executive functioning deficit or a motivation deficit, and when we're dealing with burnout, we're often talking about the former.

People with ADHD often have difficulty determining how long a task will take or how many steps there are within a task.  As a result, their goals are often ambitious but also short-sided and poorly planned.  People with ADHD will then take on more than they can actually do within a given day, week, year, lifetime, and then will suffer deep bouts of depression when they inevitably fail to finish all of their tasks.  Sometimes, they spread themselves so thin that they finish nothing they had set out to do, and those are the hardest moments.

Right now, I am at the end of an ADHD burnout cycle.  I've set a number of lofty goals for myself, particularly in relation to being home with my children and cleaning tasks around the house.  What I did not expect was how much guidance my children would require in (properly) cleaning their room for Spring Break.  I also did not expect how much having my general routine thrown off would affect my own work ethic and focus.

This week has been difficult as I've seen multiple deadlines pass me by, and I kept looking at my personal schedule and scheming ways I could revise it to fix the problem.  In reality, I felt better by accepting that maybe I can't get as much work done at home when my children are there, and I need to set more realistic goals instead of revamping my entire writing, gaming, and reading schedules.  

This is a lesson I have to reteach myeslf every few months.

This is one of the invisible ways in which ADHD can affect a person.  On the surface, it appears to everyone that nothing is going on.  In reality, I have a tempest in my brain threatening to make landfall and uproot everything I've built.  I've spent the week exhausted, anxious, and depressed, and though the big kids are returning to school starting tomorrow, I still have a long week of freelance writing applications/offers, Kangaroo wrangling, and chemo to keep me busy.

Sometimes, I feel like a waterwheel turning and turning until the wood rots away and crumbles, but hey.  That's life.

Sincerely,

RWS

P.S.

-Short Rest-

Schedule

1. Fullmetal Alchemist/Dragon Age 2/Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I

2. One-Punch Man/.hack//OUTBREAK/Outlaw Star

3. My Hero Academia/DnD5e (Dragon Age: Origins)/Fullmetal Alchemist & The Legend of Vox Machina

4. The Emperor and I/Final Fantasy XV: Royal Edition+/Seven Deadly Sins Season 1

5. My Hero Academia: Vigilantes/Persona 3 Portable/Gargoyles

6. Boruto: The Next Generation/Movie List/Young Justice

7. Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat/Kingdom Hearts+/Dimension 20: Tiny Heist

Books

Tower: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes

0. One Piece 100% New Chapters Every…

1. Sun: Fullmetal Alchemist Vol. 5, Ch. 18: “The Value of Sincerity”—21 20% (2—5)

2. Mon: One-Punch Man Vol. 16, Punch 84: “Hideout”—84 83% (6—6)

3. Tue: My Hero Academia Vol. 14, No. 125: “Overhaul”—128 60% (7—10)

4. Wed: The Emperor and I Vol. 2, Ch. 14.5: “Feather’s and Appearances”—18 56% (10—16)

5. Thu: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes Vol. 13, Ep. 100: “Anonymous”—107 1% (2—9)

6. Fri: Boruto: The Next Generation Vol.9, No. 33: “Exceeding the Limits!!”—35 25% (2—4)

7. Sat: Books

-Fiction: Pyramids by Terry Pratchett

-Library: Trans Medicine: The Emergence and Practice of Treating Gender by Stef M. Shuster

-YA: The Giver by Lois Lowry

-Fan Fiction: Final Fantasy: Fated to Ch. 50 by tinygaia Ch. 50—50, 100% 

-Nonfiction: Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat 12% (54—440)

View from the Cheap Seats by Neil Gaiman 26% (130—502)

-DnD5e: Player’s Handbook by Wizards of the Coast 0% (?—??)

-Reread

Games

Tower: Dragon Age: Origins Kallian Tabris (Darkspawn Chronicles DLC)

0. Stardew Valley

1. Free Play/Dragon Age: Origins Darkspawn Chronicles DLC

Kingdom Hearts Trophy Run 0% (1—16)

2. Short/.hack//OUTBREAK 0% ((0/22hrs)56/78hrs)

3. DnD5e/Dragon Age: Origins Kallian Tabris 60% (55/73)

Mass Effect 2 Jean Shepard Replay 42% (22/52hrs)

4. Replay/Final Fantasy XV: Royal Edition+ 0% (?--??)

5. Long/Persona 3 Portable 27% (22/83hrs)

Shows

Tower: Fullmetal Alchemist Season 1

1. Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I Ep. 2 “Trial by Firelight”—11 (Level Up to 5) 9% (2—11)

2. Anime: Outlaw Star 15% (5—26)

3. Online/Owned: The Legend of Vox Machina Season 1 25% (4—12)

Fullmetal Alchemist 31% (9—26)

4. Netflix: Seven Deadly Sins Season 1 83% (21—24)

5. Disney+: Gargoyles Season 1 39% (6—13)

6. HBO: Young Justice Season 1 42% (12—26)

7. Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy 1: “Fantasy High Live at RTX”—19 0% (1—19)

8. Movies: 0% (1—14)

Firefly 29% Disc 2 (5—14)

MCU Series/Ms. Marvel 1—6

Disney/Bambi

HBOMax/My Neighbor Totoro

Star Wars/Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Owned/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Marvel/X2: X-Men United

Anime/.hack//LIMINALITY: “The Case of Yuki Aihara”

DCAU/Batman: Mask of the Phantasm*I finally watched a movie. Yay!!