Hello Internet,
Another week, another new naming format for my blog.
I'm trying hard to let the inconsistency go. I've always had a facination with making things look nice and tidy, but I've never been predisposed toward the tidy. Knowing that, I've taught myself to let these types of things go, but they still silently chaff me.
The year is coming to an end, and what a year it has been. Jet died. My dad died. Monkey was diagnosed with cancer. Kangaroo joined us but caught RSV and has never been able to catch up on his weight. And somewhere in all the chaos, I was diagnosed with ADHD.
I am usually pretty exhausted, and with everything going on, I'm sure no one would blame me for it. Today, I'm not just exhausted, but I am anxious, too. We have a break from Monkey's treatment over the new few weeks. During that time, she still has to take her medication at home as usual, but she will not have any appointments until she can get her heart looked at prior to her next leg of treatment.
I woke up anxious. The moment I saw Kangaroo's little body, I have been on edge. He seems skinnier than before, and we're having trouble feeding him. We've always had some trouble feeding him, but he isn't taking as much as he used to, and the breast milk doesn't seem like enough. We have formula to add to it, but it makes him naseous, and it makes him constipated, and it wastes the milk that we have.
I'm afraid he is losing weight again, like he did when he had RSV, and I am so afraid that our decision to stop mixing formula into his milk is hurting him. I'm afraid of giving him the formula, though, because it makes him sick, and it upsets Noodle, and it puts more work on me, and I already have so little left of me.
Everything the ladies are doing today sounds so loud, and my usual tricks aren't work. I'm fried, but I have to keep digging deeper because I don't want to be the dad who is on edge, angry at my children for the mere fact that they exist and taking my burdens out on them. I want to be good, and most of the time I feel like I'm not.
Stop. Breathe. Remember that some days are harder than others. Remember that bad days don't define you. Do not aim for perfection but for improvement. Do a little bit better every day. When things are going fast, make the choice to slow them down. Rely on those around you and those who love you, and remember that sometimes smiling through the pain is not hiding it but reminding yourself that you can rise above it.
Sincerely,
RWS
P.S.
-Short Rest-
Books
Tower: Final Fantasy: Fated by tinygaia
0. One Piece 100% New Chapters Every…
1. Sun: Fullmetal Alchemist Vol. 3, Ch. 11: “The Two Guardians”—Side Story 40% (3—5)
2. Mon: One-Punch Man Vol. 13, Punch 67: “Monster Cells”—69 20% (2—5)
3. Tue: My Hero Academia Vol. 12, No. 100: “Creating Ultimate Moves”—108 0% (1—9)
4. Wed: Samurai 8: The Tale of Hachimaru Vol. 2, Ch. 18: “Always Shop Responsibly”—24 22% (3—9)
5. Thu: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes Vol. 7, Ep. 47: “Farewell Party”—53 22% (3—9)
6. Fri: Boruto: The Next Generation Vol.5, Ch. 22: “Fierce Battle Conclusion!”—23 50% (3—4)
7. Sat: Books
-Fiction: Pyramids by Terry Pratchett
-Library: Trans Medicine: The Emergence and Practice of Treating Gender by Stef M. Shuster
-YA: The Giver by Lois Lowry
-Fan Fiction: Final Fantasy: Fated to Ch. 50 by tinygaia Ch. 50—50, 100%
-Nonfiction: Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat 12% (54—440)
View from the Cheap Seats by Neil Gaiman 26% (130—502)
-DnD5e: Player’s Handbook by Wizards of the Coast 0% (?—??)
-Reread
Games
Tower: .hack//MUTATION
0. Stardew Valley
1. Free Play
2. Backlog/Star Ocean: The First Departure
4. Final Fantasy X-2 HD Remaster
Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World HD
Multiples/Fable: Anniversary
Dragon Age: Origins Kallian (F City Elf/Alistair Romance/Dark Spawn Chronicles DLC)
Mass Effect 2 Jean Shepard Replay (F Renegade Infiltrator/Romance Jacob/Replay)
.hack//MUTATION
Series/The Walking Dead: Final Season
6. Replay/Persona 5: Royal
Final Fantasy XV: Royal Edition
Kingdom Hearts x: Back Cover
Shows
Tower: Exandria: Unlimited
1. Critical Role: Intermission I: Narrative Telephone: “The Curious Cassanova”--7 71% (6—7)
Dimension 20 Unsleeping City Ep. 9: “The Borough of Dreams”—17 47%
2. Anime: Ruroni Kenshin Season 1 4% (2—27)
3. Online/Owned: Fullmetal Alchemist Part I 0% (1—25)
4. Netflix: Seven Deadly Sins Season 1 50% (13—24)
5. Disney+: X-Men Season 1 77% (11—13)
6. HBO: Young Justice Season 1 12% (4—26)
7. Movies: Firefly 29% Disc 2 (5—14)
Moon Knight 83% (6—6)
X-Men
Promare
Castle in the Sky
Solo: A Star Wars Story
Dumbo
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