9th step…Pillow
Talk
Shana came
from a rich background. Her family was
good blood, smart, well-to-do, high class, and they had high expectations for
her. She was the oldest of two
daughters, and she was the apple of her parents’ eyes. Then Alex came into the picture, and Shana
quickly became a problem.
They
disliked Alex from the moment they met her, but they never interfered
directly. Alex was allowed frequent
visits and spent the night often, and she never heard a word of their
complaints. When she stepped into the
Laeder house everyone was friendly with her, if a bit cold.
More often
than not, Alex spent most visits lazing in Shana’s bed. Once Shana asked why, and Alex shrugged and
did her best to explain. “It feels safe,
I guess. Reminds me of a time when I was
young. I saw this spider, it was a big
thing, size of my fist, at least, and I swear it was just staring at me. I got so scared that I ran out of my room,
went to Al’s room. She came in to take
care of it, and poof, it was gone. She
tried to put me back to bed, but I was a kid, and I was still scared, so she
let me stay with her. Slept there the
entire week, and would’ve stayed longer if she hadn’t put her foot down.”
As Alex
spoke, she gifted Shana with a rare smile.
She often had them when remembering her sister, and they were always
followed by a long, lingering melancholy.
It had
become habit for them, almost ritual.
Whenever Alex spent the night they curled up in bed early and watched
movies or gossiped, and would lied together, side-by-side,
shoulder-to-shoulder, and they wasted the night away. It was one of Shana’s favorite things, and
she couldn’t imagine her life without it.
When Alex
went away to college these quiet moments together became infrequent. They still spent time together, but it wasn’t
the same. Alex was distracted. She had bigger things on her mind, and Shana
felt out of place.
They
finally got the chance during Alex’s second semester. It was shortly after Alex’s birthday, and it
was a cold night, perfect for one of their slumber parties. Shana rented movies but wasn’t even sure if
they would watch them. They gathered
their blankets, dressed in jammies, and curled up on the bed.
Halfway
through the first movie Alex slumped over and rested her head on Shana’s
shoulder. They sat in silence as the
movie played quietly in the background.
Shana combed her fingers gently through Alex’s hair.
Alex was
often distant, aloof, but Shana saw through it.
She looked through the mask of apathy and saw the way Alex shined and
the potential she held. The second
semester left Alex looking exhausted and worn.
Earlier that night she had told Shana detailed stories about her big
life on campus, detailed lies. Shana saw
through those, too, and felt hurt by each one.
Normally, Alex would confide in her, but something between them was
changing.
Shana
wouldn’t let it.
She waited
Alex out, petting her hair. They were
alone in the safety of her room, in the comfort of her bed, and most
importantly, they were together. Shana
wouldn’t pressure or pry. She would
wait; she had become a master over the years.
Alex
sighed, a hint of a smile playing across her face. She leaned more heavily into Shana, and then
the smile broke. She shifted, falling
into Shana’s bosom and sobbing uncontrollable.
Shana held
her and patted her back and kissed her forehead, and she whispered that it was
all okay. Eventually, Alex looked up her
with big, dark eyes, wet with tears, and Shana tucked her hair back, smiled,
and said, “Tell me about your day, dear.”
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