2024. Week XXX.

 Hello Internet,

Life is difficult sometimes.  Even good lives.  I have a good life, and even still, I find it hard.

I have had to restart this post multiple times because my children want me.  My children are a blessing, and yet I resent the fact that I cannot express myself without distraction.  Without them, my life would feel so hollow and empty.  I know that for fact.  When Monkey was diagnosed with cancer, I faced that very real possibility and was gutted.

With them, I am always distracted and overwhelmed.  I love stories, and I want to impart that love to them.  I don't want them to grow up thinking that creativity is someone else's thing.  I want them to see me working and creating, and I want them to know that I take it seriously and that I am dedicated to it.  I want them to see me carve out time for it and hold that time sacred.

Raising children is antithetical to doing anything else.

Each night, after the children are in bed, I have two hours until I need to go to bed, too.  If I don't go to bed in two hours (and I often don't), I am exhausted the next day.  During those two hours, I have to spend time with Noodle if I want our relationship to heal.  During those two hours, I have to spend time alone if I am to heal.  During those two hours, I need to stuff a day's worth of cravitivity out or my brain begins to stagnate.  During those two hours, I have to relax my mind and give myself a break from all of the responsibilities that have had that day.

Then there are the dishes, and there is supper, and there are showers and work.  What there is never enough of is time.

Every day my body fails me more.

Death is too late to find healing.  

Part of why these journal entries fell off is that I don't always have answers.  Actually, I feel like I never do.  Answers are for people who have time to find them, but marching ahead with my head down against the rain is just leaving me soaked and exhausted.

I love my children. I have a good life, and I also have responsibilities and stress.  Everyone is trying their best.  If answers are wisdom just refined by time, then I'll find them eventually, won't I?

Sincerely,

RWS

P.S.

-Short Rest-

-Books-

I. Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat (02/18/2024)

-One Piece 1098

-One-Punch Man Punch 196

-DC Comics: New 52 Green Arrow: The Midas Touch

-My Hero Academia 157

-Boom! Studios: Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers 4—4

-Boruto: The Next Generation 47

-Marvel Comics: Ultimates Ultimate Daredevil & Elektra 4

-JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders 26 100%

-One Piece 1106+

-One-Punch Man 196+

-DC Comics: New 52 Flash: Move Forward 8 (02/26/2024)

-My Hero Academia Vol. 18, 167 

-Boom! Studios: Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers Vol. 2, 8 (03/10/2024)

-Boruto: Next Generation Vol.13, 51 (03/14/2024)

-Marvel Comics: Ultimate Elektra 5 (03/22/2024)

II. Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat

III. Discworld/The Color of Magic

IV. One Piece 1111+ (04/01/2024)

-One-Punch Man 200+

-New 52/Captain Atom: Evolution 6 (04/13/2024)

-My Hero Academia Vol. 19, 177 (04/23/2024)

-Boom! Studios/Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers 12

-Boruto: Next Generation 55

-Marvel Ultimates/Ultimate Iron Man 3—5 (05/14/2024)

V. YA/The Spiderwick Chronicles: The Field Guide (07/15/2024)

VI. Personal Library/The Illiad

VII. One Piece 1114+

-DC/Planning

-One-Punch Man 200+

-Boom! Studios/Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: Lost Chronicles Vol. 1 (06/10/2024)

-My Hero Academia Vol. 20, 187—188 

-Marvel/Concept

-Boruto: The Next Generation Vol. 15, Ch. 59

-Hellboy: Seed of Destruction (07/01/2024)

-Soul Eater Vol. 1, Ch. 0—1

-Boom! Studio/Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers Vol. 4, 16 (07/08/2024)

-Dandadan Vol. 1, Ch. 5 (07/16/2024)

-Final Fantasy: Fated Ch. 45

-Pokemon Adventures: Red & Blue Vol. 1, Ch. 3—14

VIII. YA/The Spiderwick Chronicles: 

-Games-

I. Final Fantasy VII REMAKE: Intergrade (02/05/2024)

II. Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth (06/14/2024)

III. Persona 3: Reload 84hrs

IV. Stardew Valley 93hrs

V. Dragon Age: Inquisition 96hrs

VI. Baldur's Gate 3 111hrs

VII. The Legend of Zelda 9hrs

VIII. Mass Effect: Andromeda 63hrs

-Shows-

I. Towers: Ms. Marvel 100% (01/20/2024)

II. Critical Role Campaign 3 Part I, Ep. 11: "Chasing Nightmares"—11 (Level Up to 5) (07/18/2024)

III. Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy (03/02/2024)

IV. Free/Power Rangers: Mystic Force

V. Disney: She-Hulk: Attorney at Law

VI. Hulu: Scrubs

VII. Max: DCAU/Batman: The Animated Series Season 1

VIII. YouTube: Watch Later

IX. Dimension 20 LIVE Presents Fantasy High: Sophomore Year Ep. 4—25 (S

X. Critical Role/Campaign 3, Part II Ep. 9—18 (Tiny Tina's Wonderland One-Shot)