Indigo: Abraham, Emotion Vol. 1: Emotion, Chapter Three: "EMOTION, part 3 Synergy"

Chapter Three: EMOTION, part 3 Synergy

            “The Emotion, dear, you’re in the Emotion,” Samantha said.  The words set off something strange in Shana’s heart.  Heat washed over her, and for a moment she no longer feared Samantha but viewed her as a peer, an equal.  The moment faded in a flash, and then they were miles apart.  Shana stared at Samantha as if she were a goddess.

            Words, Shana searched for words, but none came.  Her voice hid from her, so she stood quietly and watched, wide-eyed, ready to flee if necessary.  Samantha stepped out from the foliage.  “Don’t be afraid,” she said.  From within her cocoon of hair, her hand appeared.  It was dainty and pale.  “Now, come, please, and I’ll tell me why you’re here.”

            Shana looked at Samantha’s hand but didn’t move.  “I’m looking for someone.”

            “Oh?   May I ask who?”

            “Alex.”

            Samantha’s red lips curled into a knowing smile.  She hummed and then clicked her tongue.  “I think I know where to find her.”

            “Really,” Shana said, her gaze drifting and meeting Samantha’s.  “Can you take me to her?”

            “Yes, if you can get those legs moving and follow.”

            Samantha withdrew her hand and leaped from her perch on the tree.  She started down the jungle path, stopped, and looked back.  “Are you coming?”

            Shana stood, stone-still, and swallowed the fear in her gut.  “Yes,” she said, nodding.  She was afraid, but if there was even a small chance of finding Alex, then it was worth the danger.

: EMOTION :

            They walked in silence for what felt like hours.  Samantha led her swiftly through the jungle, stopping from time-to-time to make sure Shana was still there.  She looked proud, Shana thought, as if she were happy to have someone following her.

            Gradually, Shana’s fear faded.  She remained wary of the strange woman but didn’t sense any ill-intent.  Alex took up her freed focus and kept her quiet.  She didn’t speak, didn’t ask questions, for fear it might slow their progress.  Sometimes, when she closed her eyes to wipe away the sweat collecting on her brow, Shana could still see Alex bleeding in the rain, dying.  It made her feel sick.

            The jungle was endless.  Tall, dark trees loomed overhead, their branches spread out like arms embracing each other.  Their leaves were dark and healthy and caught the light.  Irregular breaks in the canopy showed in radiant pillars that seemed to rise toward the sky rather than falling from it.

            Shana staggered and cursed.  The underbrush was thick with vines and bushes, all surviving on what nutrients they could steal from the things around them.  She was still barefoot, and her pajama pants were crusted with dirt and mud.  Samantha walked barefoot, too, Shana realized, but didn’t seem to have the trouble navigating.  She hopped from root to root as if she were gliding

            Shana could hear animals, hear life all around her, but she never saw any.  She also never saw anything manmade.  There were no jungle trails, no wooden bridges, no markers or signs.  Seemingly, there was no civilization here, just life in its raw, unaltered form.  It made her feel out of place and, combined with the humidity, overwhelmed her.

            They came to a stop at another rocky waterfall.  The water here was as clear as the last, and Shana drank from it greedily and sighed as she splashed it across her face and down her body.  She shivered as it rolled down her sweaty flesh.  Samantha watched her from the side, smiling quietly as Shana shook her hands off.  “Uh, yeah?”

            “I can help you,” Samantha said, sitting up.  She appeared to be naked underneath all of her hair, and Shana could see ghostly white skin peaking from between the dark curls.  “Help you so that you never lose track of her again.”

            It seemed impossible, but so did everything else that day.  Logic and reason didn’t play into Alex bleeding in the rain, and it definitely didn’t follow Shana into the jungle that the light saw fit to leave her in.  It was back in Sadieville and seemed too afraid to bridge the gap.

            Samantha reached her hand out and tapped the water.  Ripples spread through the bond, meeting the ripples made by the waterfall and mating with them.  They glided across the surface of the water, parting again near Shana’s feet.  “You could even protect her, if need be.”

            Shana paused now, thought of blood in the rain, thought of muddy knees and tears at the cemetery.  It hurt to feel so powerless. It was worse to be that powerless.  All she could do for years was watch her best friend suffer, and it hurt too much to keep watching.

            She didn’t trust Samantha, but she also didn’t care.  Alex needed saving from so many things, and Shana would give anything to be able to succeed even once.  So, she looked Samantha in the eye, and she knitted her brow, and she said, “Fine.  Show me.”

: EMOTION :

            When Alex woke, she could hardly see.  She shuddered and suffered through great floods of hot and cold.  Then, she fell back into dark, deep unconsciousness.

            Later, she woke to the very same.  She rolled onto her side and coughed, hard, until blood oozed from her mouth.  The world around her was filled with black spots.  She could make out a cool, stone floor underneath her but nothing else.  She rested her head against it and blacked out a second time.

            Again, she woke, and this time she tried to move.  Pain shot through her entire body.  All of her muscles flared to life, and she did her best to curl into a ball on the ground while coughing hard.  Every breath was a struggle accompanied by whistles and wheezes.

            She opened her eyes and, for a brief moment, her vision aligned.  She was alone on a stone altar.  Statues of ancient things surrounded her on all sides.  It was midday and slightly overcast.  Rain clouds hung in the air, unmoving.

            Gradually, the pain eased as she lied there.  So long as she didn’t move, she wouldn’t suffer.  She almost wished Goliath would have killed her, but then she would have left Shana behind.

            Shana.

            That single thought was enough.  Through the pain in her side and her arms, she pushed her broken body up to standing and started moving.  What happened to her no longer mattered.  Shana was there somewhere.  Alex could feel it, and so long as Alex could breathe, she would find her.

: EMOTION :

            Samantha instructed Shana to sit by the water’s edge.  Shana stared into her reflection, which stared back.  Samantha stood behind her, tall and proud.  They were both silent, and the tension in the air swelled.

            The longer she sat, the more Shana felt like it was a waste of time.  Alex was out there somewhere, desperate and alone.  Sitting wouldn’t find her, action would.

            Samantha leaned over, and her reflection appeared in the water beside Shana’s.  Her longer, curly black hair fell forward over Shana’s shoulders.  “Do you understand what the Emotion is, Shana?”

            Shana thought about it and then shook her head.  Part of her wanted to ask how that would help the matter.

            “Essentially, it is the world’s heart, but it’s not the heart in a literal sense, but in a spiritual sense.  It is the world’s soul.  You see, everything has a soul, the world, you, it all has a heart that animates it.”  She paused, as if to give Shana time to understand.  Then she said, “That is where the power to protect your friend will come from.  You just need to find it within yourself.”

            “Right,” Shana said.  She looked into Samantha’s eyes in the water and asked, “And how am I going to do that?”

            Samantha kneeled down behind Shana and leaned in close.  Her breath danced along Shana’s neck as she whispered. “Close your eyes and clear your mind.  Feel out your heart, it’s beat and it’s breath.  Feel the world’s heart beating around you.”

            It sounded like nonsense, but Shana followed along.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to clear her mind.  Sun spots appeared on her eye lids.

            She kept breathing, fighting to ignore the sound of life around her, of the brilliance of the sun, of the sticky on her skin.  Instead, she focused on the continued beating of her heart.  As she did, the beating became more prominent, until it took up all of her focus.

            She was at rest, and her heartbeat was rhythmic and reassuring.  She was alive, that is what it told her.  Soon, she breathed in tune with the beating of her heart, and she breathed deeper and deeper, filling her lungs and emptying them. 

            Somewhere at her center, deep in the darkest reaches, she felt a spark.  The sun spots went wild, flaring into vivid reds and yellows behind her eyes.  Shapes took form in the darkness, appearing as flower or a sunrise.  In the back of her consciousness she felt something reaching for her, begging for her to listen. A voice.

            Heat swelled in her chest, like sunshine on a cold day.  It was the nurturing warmth of a mother singing a lullaby.  It was a guardian angel come down from heaven, and Shana knew it was there to lead the way to Alex.

            Shana’s hands flexed, and inside she tried to grab the heat, but it slipped through her fingers.  Its disappearance was so sudden that it left Shana falling backward, as if the presence had been holding her up all along.

            When she opened her eyes, she was flat on the ground and struggling for breath.  Her heart hammered and her body ached.  At first, she had forgotten where she was, but when she saw Samantha everything came back.

            “What was that? What happened?”

            “You failed,” Samantha said.

            Shana sat up quickly and closed her eyes again.

            “Shana, darling, you need to rest.”

            “No, I’ve got it this time,” she said, thoughts of Alex pushing her harder.  She gripped her pants tight and tried to breathe and count her heart beats.  Nothing happened except for growing frustration.  She opened her eyes and sulked at Samantha.  “Why can’t I do this?”

            Samantha smiled and kneeled beside the water.  She pulled her hair back, revealing one pale arm, and she scooped up water and threw it at Shana, who fell back again and yelled.  “You need to cool down,” Samantha said, laughing, and she tossed more water Shana’s way.

            Shana flailed.  “Stop.  Stop it!”

            Samantha righted and shook her hand dry over the water.  She seemed so tall and regal when she looked down at Shana.  “And you need to rest and think on this, because you can’t force this awakening.”

            “But I need to find Alex!”

            “You will.  She will be fine even if you take a nap.  In fact, she would be even better if you did this right.  I promise you.  Please, you must be patient and do this right.  Otherwise, you’ll just end up making things worse.”

            Shana shook her wet hair in a rebellious manner and then sighed. “Fine, then let’s get something to eat if we can.  I’m starving.”

            Samantha smiled. “That sounds fine, dear.”

: EMOTION :

            Together, they gathered fruit from the trees and then ate in the shadow of the canopy but also insight of the stream.  Shana sat on an exposed tree root and ate greedily while Samantha watched from the side.  The fruit was tart and hurt her gums on first bite, but after eating her fill the taste mellowed.  She dropped the skins beside her and laid back.  Her full belly made her sleepy, and suddenly she felt the effort of the day come upon her.

            She watched the blue, clear sky.  Clouds were painted in place, stationary and never moving.  The sky, she realized, hadn’t changed either.  It had been noon since she arrived, without the sun drifting an inch.  The warm sunlight soothed her, though, melted away her aches and left her only with the fatigue.  She closed her eyes, despite her urgency, and found rest.

            Samantha sat beside her, legs folded and hair parted carefully, covering her body but revealing glimpses of creamy flesh.  She hadn’t spoken much since they settled and seemed content to enjoy the calm.  Shana still felt something from her, something different, but she didn’t fully understand it.  Earlier, when her body burned with life and light, Samantha seemed to fade away.  It was like her light was dull compared to Shana’s.

            “Hey, Samantha,” Shana said without opening her arms.  She had her head cupped and was nestled in the roots.  “I have a question.  Why are you here?”

            “To help you.”

            “I mean, why are you here in the Emotion?”

            Samantha didn’t respond, and Shana opened her eyes to find the other woman pensive.  She was chewing her bottom lip, looking hurt and almost angry.  Then, she blinked and her calm returned.  She met Shana with a look of placid tranquility and, staring into Samantha’s eyes, Shana found she preferred when Samantha showed emotion.  During those moments she at least appeared human.

            “When I was young,” Samantha said, slowly, carefully, picking each word with reason, “I was teased severely.  The people around me said awful things to me, about my body, about my looks, or the lack there off, I guess.  In time, they said worse things about who I was.  You know, personal attacks.  Apparently, they found my personality as utterly repulsive as my body.”

            Shana kept quiet but could feel the hurt in Samantha’s words, see it in the way her body slouched.  The other woman stared fixedly at the soft, dark earth beneath them.  She played idly with her hair, looking no longer tranquil.  Her face was calm, but her body and tone were tense, broken.  She sounded on the verge of tears.

            “Every day, they would find new and creative ways to harass me.  It felt like a never ending punishment for a crime I didn’t commitment.  So.”  Samantha stared now at her wrists, the skin of them so pale they gleamed in the sunlight like wet bone.  “So, I made a wish to leave that place and escape their cruelty.  And I came here.”

            “A wish?”

            Samantha smiled sadly and moved toward her.  She smelled of lilacs and something else, something deeply feminine.  Extending her arm through her curtain of hair, she exposed her forearm again, this time in the shadow of her body.  Up close, Shana could see the wish she made.  Thin, pink scar tissue ran along the width of her wrist.

            Shana covered her mouth.  “Oh, God.”  Carefully, she reached forward, and she touched the very tips of her fingers to the scar, and she shook.  “You…”  Even Alex had never done as much.  Without thinking, Shana took Samantha by the hand and pulled her into a hug.

            Samantha returned it whole-heartedly, burying her face into Shana’s shoulder and crying.  She was warm to the touch and very soft, and her the scent was stronger now, almost suffocating.  It wasn’t just lilac, but an assortment of wildflowers mingling with a pungent female musk.  It was cloying, confusing.

            They parted, eyes locked, and hands touching.  Shana was lost in Samantha’s eyes, rooted in place and unable to move as the other woman moved forward.  Samantha’s lips twitch into a sad smile, her breath danced, hot, across Shana’s face.  Their lips touched, briefly, and Shana held her breath.

            Time stood still.  Shana stared across infinity into Samantha’s eyes, into Samantha’s ivory skin and rose smile.  She thought to push her away but couldn’t react in time.  Their lips meshed and bodies merged and a strange sensation took her.  It was her first kiss, and it wasn’t at all what she expected.  From the stories she heard, Shana thought there would be electricity or fireworks.  Instead, there were bubbles, forming and popping along her spine.  She felt light-headed, maybe even a little drunk.

            Nothing happened until they parted, and then they were back in reality.  Time restarted again and the jungle came to life around them.  Shana was breathless and flushed and laughing.  She pulled Samantha into her again, this time falling forward onto her.  Their tongues met and danced a private ballet between them as they rolled in the grass, stopping with Samantha on her back and Shana atop her.  Their kisses grew desperate and hungry.

            Shana sat up and ran her thumb along Samantha’s jawline.  She smiled and supported herself with her free hand.  “Sorry, I—I don’t know what happened.  I normally wouldn’t, but you just looked so…”  She trailed off.  Her cheeks felt warm, and where time had once been suspended, it now moved faster.  Samantha’s hair was parted now, and her breasts were exposed.  Shana stared.  “You’re beautiful.”

            Samantha smiled and kissed her fingertips. Then, she pressed them to Shana’s lips.  “May I ask you a question, dear?”  Shana nodded.  “How much do you love me?”

            Shana parted her lips and nibbled Samantha’s fingers as she thought.  “How much would you like?”

            Suppressing laughter, Samantha said, “Immeasurably so.”

            Shana kissed Samantha’s finger.  She kissed her way down Samantha’s arm and up her neck, and finally placed a final kiss on her lips.  “Then that’s how much.”

            “Prove it,” Samantha said, embracing Shana.  In that moment Shana did just that.  She proved her love to Samantha and afterward they lie together in a blanket of Samantha’s hair, and they basked in the afterglow.

: EMOTION :

            Shana woke later, wrapped in Samantha’s hair and lying naked in the sun.  It was still noon, as it had been since she arrived, and the cool air dried the sweat of her body.  She rolled on her side and found Samantha sleeping beside her, her pale skin gleaming in the light.  She smiled and kissed her forehead before standing.

            Shana dressed and went to sit by the water.  The air was cooler here and the mist from the water felt good on her skin.  She cupped her hands and took a drink, and she soaked her feet up to the ankles.  The water was cold on the insides of her toes and made her bones ache in a bracing way.

            Time was running short.  Alex was out there lost in the jungle or somewhere else.  Samantha had said Shana could find her, and after what happened earlier, Shana was more determined than ever.  She would unlock the mysterious power she felt earlier and use it to get all three of them back to Sadieville, where she could have a happy life with her best friend and true love at her side.

            She looked back at Samantha.  It was strange to think that she had a true love and even stranger to think it would be a woman.  In all her life, she had never been sexually attracted to women, but Samantha was something special.  They didn’t know each other well, but Shana knew that much at least.  What they had was life changing, and she couldn’t wait to introduce Alex to her.

            “Shana, dear?”  Samantha was still wrapped in her hair, eyes closed and recoiling from the sun.  Shana felt butterflies.

            “Yeah?”

            Samantha sat up then and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.  She stretched and smiled.  “I was just making sure you were still here.”  She looked around.  “And we are still here.  Good.  How long did we sleep?”

            “I’m not sure.”  Shana looked at the clear blue sky and at the omnipresent sun.  “It’s hard to tell here.  But I feel better now that I’ve rested.  So, tell me what I need to do to unlock my soul, or whatever you were calling it, so I can go find Alex.”  Shana went quiet when she saw Samantha’s expression.  The other woman seemed surprised, even worried.  Shana stood.  “What?  What’s wrong?  Did I say something?”

            “No, no, it’s nothing.  I’m just surprised that you,” Samantha swallowed her words.  “I mean, you’re right.  We need to hurry and find your friend.”

            Shana smiled.  “Right.  So, what do I do?”

            Samantha stood and joined Shana by the water.  They sat together, Shana in the front, legs folded beneath her, and Samantha at her back.  Soon, they were embraced, Samantha’s slender, pale arms wrapped around Shana’s ribs and holding her tight.  The butterflies whipped up a storm.

            “Now,” Samantha whispered, her breath tickling Shana’s ear, “Focus on your breathing and think of nothing else.  Forget my scent, forget my touch, forget lips.  All that matters now is you and the world around you.”  As she spoke, she planted kisses along Shana’s neck and traced her fingers along Shana’s arm, leaving a trail of goosepimples in their wake.  “Feel the heat in the body, the flow of it, the swell of it, and harness it.”

            Shana shuddered.  She found it hard to focus on anything else at all.  Samantha’s fingers went up and went down.  They were dainty spider-legs dancing down her forearm and coiling around her wrist.  She had her thumb on Shana’s pulse.  “Now, count your pulse.”

            Everything felt remote.  The world wasn’t there.  It was just Shana and Samantha, and Shana couldn’t feel her pulse.  So, she counted her heartbeat instead, clicking her tongue in rhythm with it to block everything out, and slowly, Samantha fell away.

            Shana felt the sun on her, saw its light behind her eyelids.  The sunspots swelled and swallowed her vision.  Soon, Shana fell away, too, lost like Samantha was.  Her body ceased to be and became the sunshine, and yet she could still feel Samantha there, kissing her neck, breathing into her ear, tickling her arms.

            She was a separate entity, distinct from the world, and she was the world itself.  Her flesh was stone, her blood rivers.  Each breath was a gust of wind, each thought the birth of a star.  The world, she realized, had a pulse like she did, and she started to count it with clicks of her tongue.

            Her heart hammered and burned.  Raw energy traveled through her, filling her as the light had and becoming her as the world had.  From there, Shana could see everything, all of life.  It operated in a delicate balance and could be found anywhere.  Everything breathed, everything had a soul.  She was just a small part of that, and yet she helped to compose something so much greater.

            The sun grew hotter, its warmth swelling inside of her.  Flesh burned, blood boiled.  It was different from her, separate from her, not soothing but barren, dry, and unbearable.  Her bones liquefied into magma and seethed away her insides.

            Shana screamed and ran away.  She crawled back toward her body, back toward the safety of Samantha’s arms and saw the sunspots as pyres on her way.  They formed into images again, each different and distinct.  Then, they formed into Alex.

            She stopped and stared, and she knew then what to do.  Shana faced the flames and stayed the course.  She walked through the pain and found revelation on the other side.  Lava was new flesh being born, and old things must die to make room for the new.

            Suns are the center of a star system, and the planet’s core is molten hot.  A soul is no different.  It is composed of light, heat, and energy, and that is the power she needed.  She had to move through the pain to find it.  Only by accepting this could she reached the deepest parts of her.

            In the flame and in the light she saw a door, and she opened it.

            The light faded.  The world faded.  An ash tree appeared, its bark a prism.  Dark leaves canopied the void and filled the sky with stars.  Its roots were the earth, the dust of them clinging to her bare feet as she walked.  She touched the tree, the pain she felt earlier transmuted into a rapture so exquisite that she couldn’t form words, and then she heard a voice.

            “Open your eyes, dear.”

            Shana heard water and felt mist on her skin.  She was breathless and sweaty, but she was also smiling.  When she opened her eyes Samantha was there, holding her about the ribs, and a hammer rested on her lap.  It had a long grip white in color with a compact head crowned by two small wings on each side.  Gold and blue embroidery wound around the haft and white lace flowed from it like a shawl.

            “You did it.”

            Shana held the hammer in both hands.  It felt familiar, strong, stalwart, and heavy.  “What is it?”

            “Your Voice.  You’ve awakened it.”  Samantha squeezed Shana tight and kissed her on the head.  “Congratulations!”

            Shana lifted the hammer slowly.  It was named Heart’s Song, and it was an extension of her soul.  She wasn’t sure why, but she knew that much about it.

            “I’m so proud of you,” Samantha said.

            Shana looked at her.  They hardly knew each other, but Samantha’s praise meant the world.

            She lifted herself and hefted Heart Song up to rest it on her shoulder.   The world felt different now, and looked different to her, too.  She could feel things that were only faint echoes before.  Life and light surged all around her, and she could feel it in every leaf, every stone, even in the wind itself.  It had been a cacophony when she arrived, but now she saw them individually and among them, she saw Alex.

            Shana looked down at Samantha, who was still sitting by the water, and Samantha met her gaze.  “What is it, love?”

            “I found her,” Shana said, smiling.  “I found Alex.”

            “And you really want to find her?”

            “Of course,” Shana said, and she could see the hurt in Samantha’s eyes.  She held out her hand and helped Samantha up.  “We can go to her together.  Right?”

            “Of course,” Samantha said, but her voice was distant.  She embraced Shana.  “Let us rest first.”

            “But…”

            Samantha glared.  “You’ve done enough for her today.  For now, indulge me.”

            Shana looked out into the distance and saw Alex.  She was at rest, her energy stable if dim, and she sighed.  It was hard to admit, but she was tired, and she had made some progress in finding Alex.  Her Voice faded, and she returned Samantha’s embrace.  “Alright, you win.”

            Samantha smiled and pulled her close, and their lips met.  Before they lied together again, however, Shana thought of Alex one last time and sent her a wish to let her know that they would soon be reunited.

: EMOTION :

            In another place, perhaps even another time, Alex smiled in her sleep, and she dreamt of Shana, and an ash tree, and holding hands as they sat in the warmth of the sun.