3rd step…Lies,
Secrets, and Toenail Polish
It had been
years since Alex last wore makeup. As
with most things in life, she just didn’t care enough. Whenever her parents or anyone else said
anything, she did what she always did.
She hid.
It was one
thing she expected Ellen to share. Based
on their brief conversation at the diner, Alex would never have thought Ellen
would be into something like cosmetics.
So, when Ellen didn’t just ask, but harassed Alex into being painted up
it came as something of a surprise.
Annoyed but
learning quickly how Ellen worked, Alex gave in early on. It was easier to placate her roommate with
small favors than to fight over something so harmless. So, she suffered silently as Ellen enjoyed
herself.
Ellen caked
on a few layers, careful to accentuate not overpower. She was about to do more but had enough grace
to stop when she noticed Alex sulking.
“Okay, we’re done,” she said after appraising her work. She went to fetch a mirror.
“I don’t
want to see it. I just want to wash my
face and go to sleep.”
“But there’s
still more to do!”
“There
can’t be. You said you were done. Besides,” Alex said, pointing to her own
face. “You’ve put a pound of makeup on
me. There’s concealer, eye-liner,
mascara, lip stuff and…Hell, there’s stuff I don’t even recognize.” She turned away. “We’re done.”
“The toes,
then we’ll quit!”
Alex glared
back at her. Then, when she saw Ellen’s
face, she relented. What was a chore for
one meant the world to the other.
Alex turned
and hugged one leg while extending the other.
She sulked as Ellen settled with the polish.
“What’s the
point? No one is going to see my toes.”
“It doesn’t
matter if people see it. It’s still
cute.”
“It’s
stupid.”
“Oh, you’re
no fun,” Ellen said with a pout. “Other
foot, please.”
Alex sighed
and switched legs. Ellen went to work.
“You know,
your feet are shaped kind of funny.”
Alex
flashed an irritated glance. “So is your
face.”
Silence
settled in. Ellen put a first coat on
Alex’s right foot and considered going back to the left. Meanwhile, Alex struggled with her emotions
and how best to hide them. So far, she
thought she was doing well.
“Left
again,” Ellen said, and then without looking up she asked, “What’s wrong,
Alex?”
Sometimes,
Alex was awed by Ellen. She hugged her
leg tight and hid behind her hair.
“Nothing.”
“Come on,
Alex, be honest. Are you really that
angry because I’m painting your toenails?”
“No.”
“Then quit
being a baby and tell me what’s wrong.”
Ellen set the polish aside and made eye contact.
Alex
groaned. “I….” She hugged her leg tighter.
“You?”
“I lied to
you about something. Well, it wasn’t
really a lie, it was…”
“It was
what, Alex?” She seemed more concerned
than upset and also very cautious.
“Well, I do
have a sibling. Or had.”
“Had? What do you mean?”
“She died a
few years back.”
Ellen went
silent. She just lied on her stomach,
wide-eyed and dumbfound. Then she picked
up the nail polish and went back to work.
“Sorry.”
Alex looked
up the ceiling and sniffled. “Don’t be,
it’s not your fault. Anyway, she used to
do stuff like this with me when I was a kid.
Just reminded me of that.”
“Want me to
stop?”
“No, you
can keep going.”
Ellen
hummed and continued her work. She
didn’t look up until Alex had to switch feet again. Even then, she kept mostly to herself. In the silence Alex thought about a thousand
things. She wanted to open up, bare it
all, but she couldn’t. There was a wall
between them. Alex thought there always would be.
After
wrestling with it for a few minutes Alex said, “Ellen, there’s something else.”
“Yes?”
“I’m…I’m a
lesbian.”
“Oh? That’s cool.”
Ellen finally looked up, wearing one of her signature smiles. “I’m not.”
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