2023 Week XXIII

 Hello Internet,

Today I took all three kids to our local Art in the Park while Noodle stayed at home and rested.  I reread my last post, and I feel like I complain a lot.  Strangely, a lot of my anxiety has been coming from my feelings of anxiety and an overarching feeling of inadequacy.  We've found a daycare for Kangaroo.  It is very cheap, and I know that money doesn't mean quality, but I cannot help but worry.  It's irrational.  My thoughts are irrational.  I keep worrying that they won't care for him as well as I do, but last week I was so tired that I could hardly care for him.  Parenting, and life, are a strange, mercurial dichotomy.

Art in the Park was fun and may very well become a family tradition.  When I was a child, my parents would take us camping twice a year at a local swap.  It was a giant flea market that was multiple miles long.  We would go out in tents in Autumn and in Summer, and we would stay up late and cook hot dogs and smores.  I would spend hours roaming, and I would find old, broken toys for dimes.  Mostly, I would find alcoves and hidden places in the trees to play.  I was always making believe.

This had a similar energy.  Just rows and rows of stalls and people plying wares.  Obviously, it isn't as big, but The Swap, as it was known in our house, is not the same as it was.  It has grown.  The roads are paved now, and there's electricity and showers.  My mom still goes, but it, like everything else, has become a capitalist hellscape.  

All I want is some nasty park stall food, some icies for the kids, and the blazing heat to help us sweat it out.

In other news, I am revising my schedule yet again in preparation for autumn and a return to work.  I will be updating Towers soon, but I do not know that I will be putting my revised schedule up for anyone to see.  That might just belong to me personally.

Sincerely,

RWS

P.S.

-Short Rest-

-Short Rest Schedule-

1. Fullmetal Alchemist/Free/Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I

2. One-Punch Man/Metal Gear/Outlaw Star

3. Discworld: The Color of Magic/DnD5e/Firefly

4. My Hero Academia/Fable: Anniversary/Seven Deadly Sins Season 1

5. Soul Eater/Mass Effect 3 Jean Shepard/Gargoyles

6. Boruto: The Next Generation/Nostalgia/Young Justice

7. Rest/Persona 3 Portable/Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy

Books

Tower: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes

1. Book: Fullmetal Alchemist Vol. 6, Ch. 24: “Fullmetal Alchemist”—Extra 60% (3—5)

2. One-Punch Man Vol. 18, Punch 92: “I See”—94 25% (2—4)

3. Discworld:  The Color of Magic: Page 1—210 0%

4. My Hero Academia Vol. 16, Ch. 140: “Suneater of the Big Three”—137 20% (3—10)

5. Soul Eater Vol. 2, Ch. 4: “Demon Sword part 1”—5 75% (4—4)

6. Boruto: The Next Generation Vol. 10, No. 39: “Proof”—39 100% (4—4)

7. Off

Games

Tower: Dragon Age: Origins Kallian Tabris 100%

0. Stardew Valley

1. Free Play

2. Short: Metal Gear 0% (0/5hrs)

3. DnD5e/Movie

4. Multiples: Mass Effect 3 Jean Shepard 2% (1/56hrs)

5. Free.

6. Long: Persona 3 Portable 74% (61/83hrs)

7. Free Play

Shows

Tower: Fullmetal Alchemist Season One 92% (25—26)

1. Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I Ep. 3: “Trail and the Toll”—11 (Level Up to 5) 18% (3—11)

2. Anime: Outlaw Star 19% (6—26)

3. Online/Owned: Firefly 29% Disc 2 (5—14)

4. Netflix: Seven Deadly Sins Season 1 83% (21—24)

5. Disney+: Gargoyles Season 1 46% (7—13)

6. HBO: Young Justice Season 1 42% (12—26)

7. Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy: “Keep Sharp”—19 16% (4—19)

8. Movies: 14% (2—7)

Disney/Bambi

HBOMax/My Neighbor Totoro

Star Wars/Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Owned/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Marvel/X2: X-Men United

Anime/.hack//LIMINALITY: “The Case of Yuki Aihara”

DCAU/Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

2023 Week XXII

 Hello Internet,

Summer break.  Ah.  As a child, I loved it.  As an adult, it is a bit more harrowing.  My kids started summer break at the end of the last week, and the last few days have been...tense.  Monkey has been having daily tantrums for a few weeks now, and no amount of positive reinforcement or discussion is changing that.  So, she's been grounded to her room unless invited out until she can, you know, stop yelling at everyone.

Whenever Monkey is grounded, Ratatoskr begins having emotional disregulation.  This has a lot to do with the fact that Ratatoskr micromanages her behavior.  Like, he loves nothing more than to tell her what to do, but when she is grounded, they can't play together.  So, he mills about the house and tries to get into everyone else's business.  He's bored, and he's frustrated, and so he's picking at his sister even more, and it's creating even more chaos.

The two of them have been inconsolable for days now.  Monkey is evening out now that she is realizing she won't be allowed out of her room if she is screaming and throwing fits.  Ratatoskr is just beginning and has a short fuse.  We keep on trying to get him to visit friends around the neighborhood, but he is refusing to and is instead trying to sneak ways to be around his sister.  This is sweet in theory, but in praxis it is extremely frustrating.

Couple this with Kangaroo's sleep regression, and we have two very tired parents.  On the plus side, I have been getting some writing done (though not as much as I would like), and Noodle and I have been spending time together.  Both of those things are good.

I have a number of other, nonfiction projects I want to work on here, like the MCU Film Project I had started, but I have so little time for anything extra right now.  All of the stress has been causing me some emotional disregulation, and I'm feeling very burned out as a father, which kind of bleeds into everything else.  For right now, I think using this place as a venting area is probably the healthiest for me.

Summer Towers are coming up.

Well, until next time...

Sincerely,

RWS

P.S.

-Short Rest-

Schedule

1. Fullmetal Alchemist/Free/Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I

2. One-Punch Man/Metal Gear/Outlaw Star

3. Discworld: The Color of Magic/DnD5e/Firefly

4. My Hero Academia/Fable: Anniversary/Seven Deadly Sins Season 1

5. Soul Eater/Mass Effect 3 Jean Shepard/Gargoyles

6. Boruto: The Next Generation/Nostalgia/Young Justice

7. Rest/Persona 3 Portable/Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy

Books

Tower: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes

1. Book: Fullmetal Alchemist Vol. 6, Ch. 24: “Fullmetal Alchemist”—Extra 60% (3—5)

2. One-Punch Man Vol. 18, Punch 91: “Let’s Go!”—94 0% (1—4)

3. Discworld:  The Color of Magic: Page 1—210 0%

4. My Hero Academia Vol. 14, Ch. 137: “Restraint!!”—137 89% (9—9)

5. Soul Eater Vol. 2, Ch. 3: “The ‘New Student’ and ‘Soul Observation’”—5 50% (3—4)

6. Boruto: The Next Generation Vol. 10, No. 39: “Proof”—39 75% (4—4)

7. Off

Games

Tower: Dragon Age: Origins Kallian Tabris 100%

0. Stardew Valley

1. Free Play

2. Short: Metal Gear 0% (0/5hrs)

3. DnD5e/Movie

4. Multiples: Mass Effect 3 Jean Shepard 2% (1/56hrs)

5. Free.

6. Long: Persona 3 Portable 74% (61/83hrs)

7. Free Play

Shows

Tower: Fullmetal Alchemist Season One 85% (24—26)

1. Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I Ep. 3: “Trail and the Toll”—11 (Level Up to 5) 18% (3—11)

2. Anime: Outlaw Star 19% (6—26)

3. Online/Owned: Firefly 29% Disc 2 (5—14)

4. Netflix: Seven Deadly Sins Season 1 83% (21—24)

5. Disney+: Gargoyles Season 1 46% (7—13)

6. HBO: Young Justice Season 1 42% (12—26)

7. Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy: “Keep Sharp”—19 16% (4—19)

8. Movies: 14% (2—7)

Disney/Bambi

HBOMax/My Neighbor Totoro

Star Wars/Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Owned/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Marvel/X2: X-Men United

Anime/.hack//LIMINALITY: “The Case of Yuki Aihara”

DCAU/Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

2023 Week XXI.

 Hello Internet,

I feel like I say this often, but, I am tired.  A week ago, I interviewed for a position within the school district.  The interview went well, and the principal told me that she was putting my name forward to HR to offer me the job.  I am still waiting on the phone call.  As I've mentioned before on this blog, I feel like I have spent my entire life waiting, and I am so sick of it.

Part of the frustration is that I don't feel comfortable reaching out and setting up a daycare until I have an official job offer.  Furthermore, if Noodle and I get our preferred daycare, even with this higher paying job, we're looking at being a few hundred dollars in the hole every month.  This is, of course, better than being a thousand in the hole, but it is still a hole that we're in, and that isn't good the last time I checked.

Recently, I reached out to Monkey's hospital social worker for programs that can help us cover some of our bills while we wait.  She has not gotten back to me.  This is another round of frustrating as Noodle and I watch our bank account whittle away one bill at a time.  We have enough money to cover us through this month, but next month looks tight, and summer school money won't hit until July.

Every few weeks, I post an update detailing how tired I am.  This update feels a bit different.  This is burn out and fatigue, and I haven't even been doing anything different.  I think it is the stress of it all.  I am running as hard as I can, but it feels like the finish line is no closer, and all I keep thinking is, "Is this how life is supposed to be?"  I love my wife, and I love my family.  Sometimes, I even love my life, too, but the stress of society, of work, of bills...

I feel like it is burning me up, and like all I have left is ash.

Sincerely,

RWS

P.S.

-Short Rest-

Schedule

1. Fullmetal Alchemist/.hack//OUTBREAK/Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I

2. One-Punch Man/Metal Gear/Outlaw Star

3. Discworld: The Color of Magic/DnD5e/Firefly

4. My Hero Academia/Fable: Anniversary/Seven Deadly Sins Season 1

5. Soul Eater/Mass Effect 3 Jean Shepard/Gargoyles

6. Boruto: The Next Generation/Nostalgia/Young Justice

7. Rest/Persona 3 Portable/Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy

Books

Tower: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes

1. Book: Fullmetal Alchemist Vol. 6, Ch. 24: “Fullmetal Alchemist”—Extra 60% (3—5)

2. One-Punch Man Vol. 18, Punch 90: “Manhole”—90 67% (3—3)

3. Discworld:  The Color of Magic: Page 1—?? 0%

4. My Hero Academia Vol. 14, Ch. 134: “Let’s Go, Gutsy Red Riot”—137 57% (6—9)

5. Soul Eater Vol. 2, Ch. 2: Remedial Lessons Part 2”A—5 25% (2—4)

6. Boruto: The Next Generation Vol. 10, No. 38: “He’s Bad News”—39 50% (3—4)

7. Off

Games

Tower: Dragon Age: Origins Kallian Tabris 100%

0. Stardew Valley

1. .hack//OUTBREAK ??% (?/21(41?/63hrs))

2. Metal Gear 0% (0/5hrs)

3. Dnd5e/Movies

4. Fable: Anniversary Evil Playthrough 0% (0/21hrs)

5. Mass Effect 3 Jean Shepard 2% (1/56hrs)

6. Nostalgia 0% (0/31hrs)

7. Persona 3 Portable 74% (61/83hrs)

Shows

Tower: Fullmetal Alchemist Season One 85% (23—26)

1. Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I Ep. 3: “Trail and the Toll”—11 (Level Up to 5) 18% (3—11)

2. Anime: Outlaw Star 19% (6—26)

3. Online/Owned: Firefly 29% Disc 2 (5—14)

4. Netflix: Seven Deadly Sins Season 1 83% (21—24)

5. Disney+: Gargoyles Season 1 46% (7—13)

6. HBO: Young Justice Season 1 42% (12—26)

7. Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy: “Keep Sharp”—19 16% (4—19)

8. Movies: 14% (2—7)

Disney/Bambi

HBOMax/My Neighbor Totoro

Star Wars/Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Owned/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Marvel/X2: X-Men United

Anime/.hack//LIMINALITY: “The Case of Yuki Aihara”

DCAU/Batman: Mask of the Phantasm