Hello Internet,
About a decade ago, my ex and I broke up. I had nowhere to go, so I moved home with my family. At the time, my anxiety was at its height, and I had taken to keep track of writing tasks and a number of other things on a dry erase board. I would take it, and I would rewrite it once a week. Looking back, it was a desperate attempt for me to keep track of my ADHD symptoms, but for me that stupid old white board became a physical manifestation of my anxiety. I made a post about it on the old version of this blog which has long since been deleted.
A few weeks after I moved home, I took the white board out to one of my family's burn pits (we burned trash; it was unethical but it was how I was raised), and I took a hammer and smashed it in. Then, I set it on fire and watched it burn. This became a chance for me to reinvent myself. Through the flames, I would be reborn as a happier and better me. I called it Project Phoenix, and it worked in the short term.
As I have gotten older, however, I have found the fatal flaw in plans like that. A project like Project Phoenix misses the point of life and growth. Nothing is static, not even the dynamism of growth. You move forward and you fall backward, and you spin in circles sometimes until you pick a direction and go. Growth is not always linear. Sometimes it stalls, and sometimes it requires a sideway adjustment as opposed to vertical. Sometimes, even, you have to fall down so that you can learn the less of getting back up.
Like me, Project Phoenix has died and been resurrected from its own ashes, too. That is the lesson I have learned. Now, I don't envision myself as a phoenix but as a person, which is all the more impressive.
Sincerely,
RWS
P.S.
I suppose I'm really more of a whale, aren't I?
-Short Rest-
Schedule
1. Fullmetal Alchemist/Crisis Core—Final Fantasy VII--Reunion/Critical Role: Campaign 3
2. One-Punch Man/Digital Devil Saga/Outlaw Star
3. My Hero Academia/DnD5e (Dragon Age: Origins)/The Legend of Vox Machina
4. The Emperor and I/Persona 5: Royal/Seven Deadly Sins Season 1
5. My Hero Academia: Vigilantes/Naruto Shippuden: Ninja Storm 2/X-Men
6. Boruto: The Next Generation/Movie (Fullmetal Alchemist)/Young Justice
7. Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat/Persona 3 Portable/Dimension 20: Tiny Heist
Books
Tower: Samurai 8: The Tale of Hachimaru
0. One Piece 100% New Chapters Every…
1. Sun: Fullmetal Alchemist Vol. 4, Ch. 16: “Side Story: Dog of the Military”—Side Story 80% (5—5)
2. Mon: One-Punch Man Vol. 16, Punch 79: “Tenacity”—84 0% (1—6)
3. Tue: My Hero Academia Vol. 14, No. 119: “Deku vs. Kacchan, Part 2”—128 0% (1—10)
4. Wed: The Emperor and I Vol. 2, Ch. 10.5: “Memories with Kaho”—18 6% (2—16)
5. Thu: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes Vol. 8, Ep. 63: “Decisive”—72 0% (1—10)
6. Fri: Boruto: The Next Generation Vol.8, No. 30: “Face to Face!!”—31 50% (3—4)
7. Sat: Books
-Fiction: Pyramids by Terry Pratchett
-Library: Trans Medicine: The Emergence and Practice of Treating Gender by Stef M. Shuster
-YA: The Giver by Lois Lowry
-Fan Fiction: Final Fantasy: Fated to Ch. 50 by tinygaia Ch. 50—50, 100%
-Nonfiction: Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat 12% (54—440)
View from the Cheap Seats by Neil Gaiman 26% (130—502)
-DnD5e: Player’s Handbook by Wizards of the Coast 0% (?—??)
-Reread
Games
Tower: Final Fantasy X-2 HD Remaster
1. Stardew Valley
Crisis Core—Final Fantasy VII—Reunion 126% ((24/19hrs)10-11 Chapters 100%)
2. Short/.hack//OUTBREAK 0% ((0/22hrs)56/78hrs)
3. DnD5e/Dragon Age: Origins Kallian Tabris 60% (44/73)
Mass Effect 2 Jean Shepard Replay ??% (?/52hrs)
4. Replay/ Final Fantasy XV: Royal Edition+
5. Long/Persona 3 Portable 27% (22/83hrs)
Shows
Tower: Dimension 20: Unsleeping City
1. Critical Role: Campaign 3 Part I Ep. 1 “The Draw of Destiny”—11 (Level Up to 5) 0% (1—11)
2. Anime: Outlaw Star 15% (5—26)
3. Online/Owned: The Legend of Vox Machina Season 1 25% (4—12)
Fulletal Alchemist 8% (3—26)
4. Netflix: Seven Deadly Sins Season 1 79% (20—24)
5. Disney+: Gargoyles Season 1 31% (5—13)
6. HBO: Young Justice Season 1 35% (10—26)
7. Dimension 20: Tiny Heist Ep. 4: “Breaking and Entering”—6 50% (4—6)
8. Movies: Fullmetal Alchemist 4% (3—51)
Firefly 29% Disc 2 (5—14)
MCU Series/Movie: Ms. Marvel 1—6
Disney/Bambi
HBOMax/My Neighbor Totoro
Star Wars/Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Owned/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
Marvel/X2: X-Men United
Anime/.hack//LIMINALITY: “The Case of Yuki Aihara”
